A moment of regret

I seem to be going through a phase where this move to Colorado feels incredibly selfish. Maybe it’s just because I’m still twiddling my thumbs, waiting to start school. Perhaps because I still haven’t made many friends here yet. But people I love back home are going through difficult times and it feels selfish to have moved away to challenge myself and see what I can make of myself. I’d much rather be back in Georgia where I can give them my love and support. 

I’ve been challenged by one to ask deeper questions. He feels that people don’t truly care about him because no one tried to find out how his mind works. It makes me feel slightly guilty because I’m one of those who never did, but it’s an avoidance tactic for me. I don’t think about my own answers to such questions, so I don’t ask them of others because I don’t want them to return the question. So far we’ve covered deepest regrets, If you could change one thing what would it be (past and present), if money weren’t an issue what would you do with your life to be happy (also, describe your perfect day). I was aware that he is unhappy, but it definitely brought more of it to light and I’m glad that he does have some awareness of it. Any suggestions for next week?

Maybe it really is a lack of friends here. Considering how much planning I’ve put into my parents visit in May when they haven’t even bought plane tickets yet, I clearly need more excitement in my life. 

Not the happiest post ever, so here’s a picture of Piper enjoying the sun from a few weeks ago:

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A New Blog

Okay first, I just have to get something off my chest: I’m tired of being cold. 

 

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, those few of you who have followed me for awhile have probably noticed a new title over there. It just randomly came to me Friday night between work and going out for drinks (yeah, the thought came to me totally sober!). A quick search on the Google indicated that it might be available, so lo and behold, I made it happen.

Maybe a bit of a reinvention will be enough to bring me back to this little space. Or maybe it’s a lack of a sense of connection. We can get to that in a minute. 

You see, I don’t exactly run anymore. I do intervals, but I don’t think that 4 one-minute-long bursts of sprinting really counts. I focus more on lifting weights these days. Same sense of accomplishment from training, it’s just moving another 5 lbs a week (give or take) instead of being able to run another mile.

Sure, every few months my friend Robbie can talk me into running a 5k. We even managed to bring home first and second in our age group back in December.

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That sounds more impressive than it actually was. But I’m looking forward to another on St. Patrick’s Day weekend. I hear there’s a free Odell’s waiting for us at the end. Will run for beer, right?

But back to the new title: I can’t remember the exact train of thought right now, but I think I was laughing at myself over some random thought about either nutrition or my personal training course. I completely geek out over this stuff, I get so excited when I study it and learn more about how the human body works. 

And then there’s the fact that even back in high school there were times when I would choose to stay home with a book instead of going to hang out with friends. 

Plus I watch vampire shows. If that doesn’t make me a nerd, then we must have rather different definitions of the word.

 

So here I am, a self-named book worm and science nerd who is totally sucked into these stories about thousand (or hundred, depending which show we’re talking about) year old mythical creatures. Plus I’m a total rule-follower. It’s a little sad when your older coworker can make you feel like a total brown-noser. But there’s a lot to be said for hearing that your boss hopes you’ll be the one on duty when the brand standard auditor comes in, because they trust that you’ll get them a perfect score.

 

And about that lack of connection… it takes awhile to develop new best-friendships. And one of my best friends lost her mother a month ago yesterday. We finally had a good FaceTime talk yesterday, but distance makes it hard. I’ve told her over and over again that I wish to be there for her in whatever way possible. But I still have things rattling around in my brain (and in my heart) that I need to get out, and preferably in a conversation with someone who has been there the past few years and can give me some much needed perspective from my past. Alas, alack and woe is me. 

I just need to learn to put myself out there and worry less about awkward opening lines or imaginary boundaries. Unless it’s one of those times when you think the cute guy at the gym just gave you a big smile and later realize he was flashing it at the girl behind you. At that point it’s best to just roll your eyes and move along.

Colorado

I’ve learned a few things since moving to Colorado.

My skin type is not combination. It is, in fact, dry to normal. It just took me awhile to figure out why my bb cream was making my skin look all flaky.

After weather cold enough to freeze the pipes of the sprinkler system at work (even with antifreeze that should work to -18 degrees), 19 degrees and sunny feels downright comfortable. I’m expecting sunny 30 degree weather to only require a sweatshirt.

Even after 6 months to adjust to the altitude, I really should stop at 2 drinks if they include whisky.

Body oil, hot shower, lotion is the magic formula.

As ridiculous as you might find people who put their dogs in shoes, out of consideration for your apartment floors you become one of them.

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New home

Well I made it! I’m here! I’m doing well! 

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Passed some wind farms in Kansas, very cool to see these giants in person!

Keeping busy has been a huge help. Not leaving yourself time to dwell on things that might bother you is definitely the way to go. 

I’ve got my apartment, my temporary Colorado driver’s license, my Colorado license plates, and a plate mounting kit for my front bumper on order. I’ve changed all the addresses I can think of and registered to vote. Not sure what else there is to do but start paying Colorado taxes to make me an official resident (and that will start Monday)! And all in less than a week. 

I am also completely unpacked! I’m quite happy with how my room has turned out, though I still have a handful of stuff on my desk that need to find homes. 

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I have a black and white painting of Paris that I might move from the mantel to above my bed, but it might be a little large for the space.

 

I also met another girl going into the nutrition program for lunch yesterday and she put in a rental application to be my roommate. Just an hour or so later I got a phone call with the job offer I was hoping for! Talk about two huge weights off my mind! 

I went to Old Town and bought myself a beer and a burger (with sundried tomatoes and basil goat cheese!) to celebrate. Can’t wait to actually meet people here so I don’t have to keep eating alone. It works out fine if I have a chatty bartender, but last night was not the case. So I watched the pretty scenery in the Tour de France coverage. 

Other than having no one to hang out with (the roommate is living in Denver until mid-August), I love my apartment and the town. A few too many stop lights for my taste, really (my car’s gas mileage doesn’t appreciate it either), but the town itself is great. I plan to go find some trails to walk with the dogs today. It’s so nice to be able to have all the windows open in July, too! 

“The conversations between your fingers and someone else’s skin. This is the most important discussion you can ever have.” Iain Thomas

The importance of this communication is something you may not recognize until it disappears for awhile, and that is such a shame. It is also something that not everyone understands. 

Last day of May!

Haven’t we already posted a memory? Oh well. 

Back in 2007 my ex adopted a dog that some friends had taken in off the street. I didn’t want a dog. I grew up with cats. Much less a stray off the street. We weren’t married yet and I wasn’t very happy about it. I didn’t know anything about dogs.

I have no idea what I was upset about, but not too long after he took her home I was ugly-crying on his living room floor and she walked over and leaned against me. It was my first experience with the love and emotional support that a dog can give. 

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On letting go

Well, I’ve learned to let a lot of things go over the past few years, many of which I have mentioned or hinted at already.

But in the past year, co-habitating with a new boy, I’ve learned to let go certain expectations.

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(from a google image search)

Perhaps “giving up” also would apply, but I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want the apartment to maintain a certain base level of cleanliness it’s pretty much all up to me. So I do the dishes after dinner in the evening. I pick up the clothes left lying around the living room. I offer to include any clothes he may need washed with mine (though I’ve learned that if I go two weeks between my own loads he’ll do his own). I’ll sweep the back patio if I want to enjoy it and toss the empty cigarette packs and everclear bottles left from a weekend of drinking. I’ll remove the leftovers that have sat in the fridge for two weeks.

It’s amazing how much infatuation can blind you to the state of their apartment. Looking back I don’t know how I didn’t see the warning signs. But trust me, they will not be missed again.

 

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